Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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