mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
