Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
