we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
