Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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