can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
