I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
