My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
