Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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