a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
