Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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