I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize
