He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
