You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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