Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
