I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
