saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
