remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
