Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize