Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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