Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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