dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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