Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
