My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
