I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
