I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
