as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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