Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
