im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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