adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
ttyl tear gas
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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