U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
