just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
