When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
