I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
