She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She said her name was "party"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
