I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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