i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
