saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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