they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
