He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
