Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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