My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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