Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
