her vagine was all disorganized.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
