hotel room ftw
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
