I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
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I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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