So drunk its hurt
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
