ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
