not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
