Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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