my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
