The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
