he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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