Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
