Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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