I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
