if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
