I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
