I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
