i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You made out with two different species that night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
