she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Randomize
