I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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