please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Your penis caused this!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
