those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
