Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
