weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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