We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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