I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
