You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
