I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
