Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize