The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
