the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And then my night got REAL pukey
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
