I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
