i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
