How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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